hapy 8th month anniversary darlings!! x)

hmmmm everyone! long time never blog le.. was kinda busy though.. and of coz darling never blog so ya i also dun blog lor.. nvm now his comp spoil le.. haiz.. nvm i dunno wat to say le.. yupps 2 days ago was fun nice n happy. shan't say it here.. xP i really dunno wat to say..!! hahas em training was em ok but still can die.. ya X-country OMG!!
hmmmm i'll be off tis friday, when dora comes back.. so qiao anyway gonna miss my darling though he cant see wat i'm typing.. anyway i hoping tat day will come soon.. gee can go escape again.. hahas it shall be fun!
oh ya! my didi will get me a new digital camera for my christmas cum birthday present!! x) yeah! hahas nvm.. gee oh well..
ah i miss my darling now.. wonder wat's he's doing.. muz be very boring at home coz there's no comp now.. haiz x(
dear dear love him lotz.. looking forward to our 8th month! a romantic dinner.. lotsa fun.. and of coz with my piggie darling..
tak lotsa care dear and i'l be back soon..
miss ya~
love y0o.. x)

i miss my darling lotz he's off for camp come bac gone again. 6 days man! he's so tired.. i'm so worried..
dear takcare k.. have more rest la.. hughugs i miss u so much..! mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
i love u darling..

blogging time! ahh so bored now.. sign* it's holidays time! training resume 3 times a week.. n it's cross country.. ahhh.. die.. but for e 1st few trainings i survive! hahas thanks to dear dear.. x) mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
suposed to go out with rach they all yesterday.. haiz turn out me n my darling went out together.. we wore slippers then cant went in to e stupid club.. hahas.. then haiz.. wat are frens for? nvm
darling and i went to sim lim square to but mouse.. hahas it's so ex lor! bought e mouse he's broke le.. then when we're leaving it rained so heavily.. gee x) hahas i love e rain! we run in e rain.. or sld i say walk? hahas so fun! puddles of water i jump into it.. gee my whole feet wet.. x) so fun.. we go all e way to seiyu walk walk.. i showed him e dress io like very much.. hahas in e kiddy department.. i dunno whether it'l fit me not.. but it's really very nice lor.. i like very much.. x) took e biggest size.. hahas he say can la can fit.. gee x) showed him alot of things too.. so cute.. wanted to play arcade but weekdays under 16 not allowed.. x( nvm other days ba.. went home.. saw dora on e way.. then took e same bus as her lor.. ya.. nth much la..

[joshua] thankx for changing e appointing.. gee bluff me ah.. say cannot change.. anyway takcare during e holidays di.. see u soon! x)
i love my darling loads loads.. i wanna go to e surprise place he's bringing me! gee so excited!! x) dear u beta takcare ah.. dun nottie nottie.. rest well n mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* hughugs tite..
lovey0olotz.. x)

love my darling happy half a year! mwahhhhhhhhhhh* hugs~ i miss u lotz.. takcare alrite ur injuries and all dun make it worse.. x)

*i will be who i am~loving you for eternity*

exams are over le.. think i'm gonna die.. x(
history-die
maths-die
english-die
i hope i din fail my eng if not i say byebye le.. haiz.. everything's gonna be alrite i hope..
tml mum's birthday wonder how to celebrate.. hmmmm treat her to a nice dinner lor.. i dunno le.. haiz..
no mood*so many things happen i really got no mood.. haiz x'(
i wish u were here.. i miss u alot 4 more days to our anniversary i really hope we'll be happy together.. dun ever leave me..
loveyalotz.

everything's over ya.. me and my stupid note! wonder wat am i doing tt time 'jealous' is e word i can say.. haiz there's nothing more i can do now can i? asking myself tis everytime.. tried ways but to no avail. i hate coming to school now for i'll b alone there, sitting there alone. where everybody will b happily talking away and i'm alone.. i guess i'll get used to it as time goes by.. we were strangers.. but will nv had a chance to noe each other again to start all over again.. no use i guess.. i dunno y.. i really dun understand.. i've tried i really tried.. haiz.. for some reason.. i feel tat i dun belong to e clique anymore.. and sm has become one of them.. haiz..
let it be i wish for a miracle..
i wish upon a star where everything will be fine.. sobs*
when it's meant to be, it is..
when it's not, it'll never be..
we're jus not meant to be..
'if u love something, let it go.. if it comes back it's urs, if it doesn't then it never was..'
i've let go.. and it'll never come back again..

hahas dunno y in e mood to blog.. x) exams period le.. so fast really scared my eng.. if i dun pass i'll say bbye to e school.. e paper is so damn difficult lor.. dunno took a long time to write summary, read e passage write compo.. it's a stupid Q i wrote for compo 'wat do u think people in ur age can do to conserve the environment?' hahas got no choice coz all others is like nothing to write lor.. anyway eng exam over le thank god..! and wat! i hand in e wrong paper during e exam hand in section 1 and 2 opposite hahas so embarrassed lor when e teacher told me infront of everybody somemore.. hahas nvm x) e next exam is on next monday chinese paper.. hmmm i wan to score well.. coz tat's my best subject. got to study study study!! has been doing maths lately.. i really wna to pass lor.. all e way frm e start of e year i had been failing my common test until e last common test i pass n score quite well! hahas x) my ca2 for maths is 48.7 nearly passing le.. all my ca1 sa1 maths is always 30+ now shoot up n improve so much! hahas really very happy x) hmmmmmm coz of my darling's support n encouragement tat i can improve.. gee thz dear x) mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
starting of the week was a bad one.. lotsa tears n unhappiness.. but now sort of ok le.. but i realised tat i couldn't turn bac e time.. wishing tat i had nv given her e letter.. causing so much unhappiness.. *i take back my words dora hope i'm still e person rite after her. x( yupps dun be so cold towards me le.. *
today is fun.. no pe though.. but it's a free period! then manprit sm n me play ball n i fell! hahas so funny was lazy to stand up then pick up so i jus lean back on my chair e chair was standing on 2 legs only.. then lean too back le i fell.. hahas so embarrassing lor.. every1 look at me.. then some scratches on my wrist there.. hahas very funny x)
yawn~ ah tired did maths for 2 hours! hmmm i shall take a rest now.. takcare ppl..
love ya darling lotz..

If I leave my love unspoken it is because I know so well that the feeling that is deepest is the hardest one to tell.

I'll be there for you,
These five words I swear to you.
When you breathe I want to be the air for you.
I'd live and I'd die for you,
Steal the sun from the sky for you,
Words can't say what love can do,
I'll be there for you.

i love you.. x)

Happy 5th month anniversary!
ah 5th month already.. geee so fast.. love my darling lotz!! mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh x) gee time passes by so fast.. everyday i think of him* him* n only him* fall deeply in love with you.. hugs~ mwahhhhhhhhhhhh* hmmmm met darling then hmmm went his hse.. i help him massage though not tat nice la.. yupps anyway darling also gave me emm tis sort of a small bag la to keep my wallet all tat things la.. yupps so sweet of him.. mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. hmmm a short entry la coz gtg le.. anyway i'll always love tis day to BITs.. mwahhhhhhhhhhhhh honey love u! hugs takcare of urself ur ulcer, arm shoulder n everything alrite.. deardear loves you 4 eternity.. x)

I love you darling! mwahhhhhhhh* hugs~

things jus SUX for me.. i mean it really SUX alot..! living life no longer matters.. i'm in depression.. i've lost all my precious things in jus like LESS THAN 1 WEEK! x'( i really dunno wat to do.. first is i lost my wallet, no is SOME1 TOOK IT n all my things inside gone ok then now i've lost my beloved, precious ring.. i really dunno how lor! it jus gone.. everything's gone.. all e memories.. haiz.. i dunno wat to do seriously i jus got no mood for anything le.. e thing lost.. jus my luck.. or izzit i'm too careless? haiz i dunno.. i only noe tat my precious is gone..
i cant lose u darling.. no.. i'm really sorry.. if u leave me now i'll really lost everything.. i really love u.. x'(

The first time we met I could see,
That you and I were meant to be.
Ur eyes were so gentle,
your smile so true.
When u first held my hand I just knew.
Now the times has gone by,
Though laughter and tears,
These days I shall cherish for years upon years.
Those memories we have shall never fade,
For those are the steps we have made.
That was the past
The future is near.
I anxiously wait for what will appear,
New homes, more laughter, children so dear,
Everything will be beautiful as long as you’re near..

ahh.. wat a day i cant blog!! haiz type in word then paste there lor..
hmmm.. tis is a STUPID week for me alot of things happen la.. jus feeling so sad n hurt abt it..
first is i cant go out n he's feeling so desperate n stressed abt it.. then kinda blame me.. i mean wat can i do? haiz then i jus gave in to him lor.. nvm la over le x)
second is i lose my WALLET!!! wat e hell!! my precious wallet lor.. haiz i dunno y la yesterday i very sad then bell ring music lesson i jus went out e class leaving my wallet on e table.. came back GONe! wat e hell lor!! who is e ____ person took my wallet.. haiz but thinking alot ppl also leave their wallet there wat.. then after sch look all over e classroom lucky still got frens help me.. but still cant find!! haiz x( it's like all things gone lor.. then v sad le stil got scolding frem him!! ahh!! i mean like i'm feeling so sad le cant he jus comfort me instead got scolding.. bleah.. nvm then e 'quarrel' like lasted for quite long till late nite.. haiz i broke down.. n realised tat e only ones there for me is ISADORA! she's sweet n all.. helping me find wallet today in sch for 3 long hours!! wow.. really appreciate it la thz dora!! x)
then tot of telling my darling how i felt glad he understand la.. gee so happy now.. ahh my darling is still e best!! love u lotz darling.. mwhhhhhhhh it's like i also wanna be wit him.. but sometimes cant jus understand lor.. alrite.. sorry for any unhappiness alrite forget abt it all.. huggs dear.. miss u now..

Heart of Chocolate

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by

life is always likedat..
why muz u treat me likedat.. in you, i'm jus another fren. does it matter when i'm gone? haiz.. i'm utterly sad.. u claim tat i was ur bf but really is it? u dun like it when i always talk abt him. haiz.. i dunno..
i really hate YL to e core ok! i didn't do anything to offend u ok! haiz.. dunno why my life is likedat.. people kept misunderstood me.. they rather believe them than me.. haiz.. didn't noe that my own bf will betrayed me.. it's been so many years.. and cause so many misunderstandings and all.. esp tat YL she damn les lor.. and now a two timer.. haiz wat!ever la.. i dun wanna noe anything abt her..
i was walking out of sch alone.. those thoughts flown to my mind.. and suddenly.....
i thought of my gor nick.. i miss him.. miss all e times we spent together.. i 'grew up' with him.. spent my childhood wit him.. he's such a nice gor.. i remb i always go his house everyday and play during e holidays.. then he teach me how to play e piano, cook all.. hahas it's so fun! then i'll stay in his house till very late like 11+ 12midnight likedat.. in school whoever bully me i juz shout his name and he'll come and help me.. he also dote on me very much.... but everything is in e past.. abt 2 years ago.. dunno we lost contact.. for months.. he's staying so near to me.. yet so far.. i want e old time back.. where we could go out and play badminton till late at night.. he still hadn't taught me how to smack.. well he treat me e niceness among everybody (except family and darling) hmmmm.. let it pass then.. hope he's fine..
i miss him gorgor nicholas..
i miss my darling too.. hugs~ takcare dear.. rest well..
well meet my darling today.. makes me feel better..

Happy 4th month anniversary darling!

mwahhhhh darling happpy 4 months! gee love you lotz.. hahas well had a great day with you dear.. well went cine hav lunch pastamania! yumyum.. ya actually wanna watch movie then sorry i had to go bac early.. next time k.. yupps x) there's this guy downstair taking pictures of e bigbig television hahas then he was taking at e directions of us! dunno wat he doing nvm hahas.. then my darling bought me this cute piggress hahas so cute! told him not to waste money le haiz dun listen la.. gee anyway like it very much la.. thanks so much dear x) well i gav him my 'project' but haiz he cant open it.. x( nvm raining quite heavily and so cold.. ok we then walk to somewhere dunno where and took a long bus ride home.. so nice i was feeling tired and lied on him.. gee.. he's so sweet la! he walk me home likedat lor.. had a wonderful day with him.. so nice and all.. hahas juz him.. hmmmm well walk in e rain now he now like abit sick likedat.. sorry ah darling.. haiz muz takcare of urself k.. mwahhhhhh.x) i'm here for you..

love you dear.. takcare..

too often we don't realized
what we have until it's gone;
too often we wait too late to say
I'm sorry-i was wrong;
sometimes it seems we hurt the ones
we hold dearest to our hearts;
and we allow foolish things
to tear our lives apart.

far too many times we let
unimportant things into our minds;
and then it's usually too late
to see what's made us blind.

so be sure to let people know
how much they mean to you;
take that time to say the words
before your time is through.

be sure that you appreciate
everything you've got
and be thankful for the little things
in life that mean a lot.

darling i really want to say sorry for everything i've done. Sorry that i bought hurts and sorrows to ur life. i appreciate everything u've done for me and it's really sweet and nice. u're so cute!!
juz to say i'll try n try n try to b e perfect one, though alot of failures.. haiz~ have more trust in me.. someday it'll come true..
i really love you alot darling.. miss you..~ hugs~

hmmm, i change my template! think e old 1 very plain so hahas change it! took so long to do haiz..
well nothing much la.. bored as usual all tests coming up and i juz failed my maths test! gosh 3half/ 20 hahas i was laughing away when i got it.. cant believe i fail until so cham! it's difficult la only 16 pass i think haiz..
tml nationals' day celebration! yeah i'll b getting e scholarship then e whole school will b wearing red and white!! hahas it's gonna be fun! dunno whether got half day not haiz..
miss my laogong lotz.. nowadays so difficult to meet him.. *sorry dear*
i'll try kz.. hope ya understand.. loving u so much more now. i juz wanna spent all e time with you.. juz u.. our world of darkness.. gee hahas.. *yawn* guess i'm tired le hav a good day peeps.. and ya rachel u better takcare ok.. i'm so bored in school without u.. come bac soon.. miss ya lotz..
i love my laogong forever.. hugs~

i'm so bored i'm so bored i'm so bored..!!!!
juz wishes my darling could come online.. then can plzy game wit him.. hahas but i always lose.. hmmph.. wat a bully! i'm worried la.. dear u everytime wake up got headache should c doctor noe.. i bring u la.. muz drink lotz of water kz n takcare of urself..
had a wonderful day wit him yesterday! yeah man it's e 100 days! v happy wit him gav him a bottle of STARS it's something small but hahas.. special.. dear.. hope u can c e special in it.. as i ate e bread he made, i could feel e sweetness inside.. *melts* thz dear..
love y0o lotz.. MWahhHhH* x)
huGs.. happy 100 days together..
*everlastinglove*

today.. 24th july, count down 5 more days to 100 days~29th july.. gee so happy! my darling is getting sweeter n sweeter each day. love him more and more each day. mwAhhhHHHHHhs.. well met him today after my training althoughit's a short meeting but hmmmmm can c him can arl.. he bough me a bread n fishballs(yumyum) n of coz appleapple!! wonderful lunch haha.. he's going to cine to c his frens performing. later late afternoon going 4 church. wat a busy day.. i jus wanted to say takcare alrite darling.. i'll be always there for u.. love ya lotz.. miss ya lotz.. hugs.. MWaHhHhHhH...x)

happy 3 months honey!!
well love y0o forever!! well u're the only 1 tat can cheer me up when i'm down.. really appreciate it alot thanks dear! well i'm really happy today.. jus wanna spend all the time with y0o.. time really passes by fast.. it's the end of our 3rd month.. full of sorrows, pain and of coz JOY! tml will be e start of a new day.. starting of e 4th month together.. hope there'll be more happiness n less quarrels.. yupps.. love y0o!! MWaHhHh! hu9s darling..

hmmm.. blogging blogging! Well time passes by so fast~3rd month! hmmm.. Today nationals 200m heats did a 29 flat not too bad then is e 4th qualifier, (cos darling went down to support! =) yupps after that we went to have lunch at centrepoint~yumm yummy.. Ate alot! walk walk to cine decided to watch movie~spiderman! e show was nice quite touching and sad at times.. and scary! e sound effect was loud. anyway got my darling so ya haha can lie on him.. time really passes by fast.. e show ended and i muz go home too. had lotz of fun in e train.. juz e presence of him makes a difference in my life.. really love him lotz lotz.. jus wanna spend all e time with him..
tomorrow will be our 3rd month anniversary.. hope it'll go well n my 200m semi.. well gd luck! and love ya dear..

i love you darling..  

well dear.. i juz blog a little k.. hmmm.. today's training was fun we're doing relays!! but i think i'm not e 4th runner.. he change me into either 1st or 2nd.. haiz.. nvm.. after training me n szemin, siti n malina went mac eat then went to e warehouse to buy FBT. it was such a hot day.. reach there we bla bla bla then we tried to bargain e price with e auntie.. haha.. coz it's so ex 1 pair.. n we bought quite alot.. but then e auntie won't cut down e price.. haiz.. well.. gee.. well.. i'll stop here.. takcare peeps..

hmmm.. finally blogging again.. can use e comp again n won't complain tat he always use it.. gee.. muz thz my didi help me wit it.. well really muz thankz him.. but haiz always meeting him will 'quarrel' but haiz it's always me apologizing in e end.. haiz.. coz i dote on him so much?
well spending my holidays training n with him.. feel so happy but haiz.. sometimes i make things a mess out of it. should b happily watching a movie with him.. it started out great but ended up haiz.. all my fault lor.. i so naughty hurt him again but i din mean it juz.. haiz.. but other days is fine.. very good.. i juz treasure each day spent with him.. i won't know wat'll happen e next day so well juz live everyday as it is.. loving him as ever.. i'm happy tat he's happpy..
next week will b off flying to thailand.. gonna miss my honey alot alot.. i cant imagine wat training will b like there.. nationals is juz 1 month away.. haiz.. gotta train harder n harder!!
miss my classmates alot.. esp baby dora, buddy rach, huiwen n all.. yupp n my yckps mates too.. gotta meet them soon..! i think i stop here.. since my darling only blog abit? alrite.. takcare.. nitez..

hm.. today is e sports' day! yeah.. took part in 4x100 relay.. haiz.. my goal is 2 get 2nd.. but in e end..? haiz.. i was e last 2 receive e baton le..! then i juz go all out n chase then i got 4th! haiz.. nvm.. at least i tried my best lor..
went J8 wif baby, rach, charlotte, denise, kaiyin, celestine.. suppose 2 go take neoprint but haiz.. go there e neoprint machine all gone lor.. haha.. then dunno watta do.. walk walk around.. while later they went hm left me, baby, charlotte n kaiyin.. then dunno watta do.. haha.. suddently i tot of playing a game 'hide n seek' in e mall.. 2vs2. haha.. it's really ver lame lor.. but nvm.. since we're so boring.. then me n kaiyin 1 team baby n charl 1 team.. 1st round is my seek them.. haha.. we found them within 5 min lor.. haha.. was so happy. then they seek us.. hohoho.. 16 min!! tat's ver long lor.. n they play cheat also.. but then it's our turn 2 seek them we couldn't find them! timw was running short then we were like running up n down but cannot find lor.. then we got tired n juz stand there.. at last we gave up n called them.. then it's like they were only 1 pillar away from us lor.. juz beside us sitting dw n tat pillar block.. haha.. tat's so funny.. well.. em.. wat a fun day.. yeah indeed.. takcare! nitez..

*20 April*

'' I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.
His name is Jin.

I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we

went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with

him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my

love for him.

And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each

other in different ways.

I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there

were so many other girls.

To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just

another girl...

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.

"I can't"

"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment

grabbing me.

"No... I am going to meet a friend..."

He was always like that.

He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.

To him, I was just a girlfriend.

The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.

Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you'

before.

To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.

He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued

till 100 days...200days...

Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a

doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why...

Then one day...

Me: Um, Jin, I ...

Jin: What...don't drag, just say..

Me: I love you.

Jin: ......you...um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me

the doll.

Then he disappeared, like he was running away.

The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room,

one by one. There were many...

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.

When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,

and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.

But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was

dark.. he still didn’t call.

It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.

Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me

and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the

house.

Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin...

Jin: Here...take this...

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What's this?

Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it

to you now. I’m going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.

He turned around and walked away like nothing had

happen.

Then I shouted...

"Wait..."

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.

But he just said simple cold words and left.

"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you

are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off.

My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He

didn't want to say it easily...

How could he...

I felt that...

Maybe he is not the right guy for me...

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just

crying.

He didn't call me, although I was waiting.

He just continued handing me a little doll every morning

outside my house.

That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school.

But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on

a street...with another girl...

He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed

me...as he touched the doll...

I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my

room, and tears fell...

Why did he gave these to me...

Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.

Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.

He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.

I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.

I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him,

that... it’s going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen

and joking around.

Soon, he held out the doll as usual...

Me: I don't need it.

Jin: What...why...

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't

want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike

other days, his eyes very shaking.

"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.

He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just

throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.

Then...

Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...

But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the

doll.

"Jin, move!"

HONK~!!

"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.

That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to

say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness

and the sadness of losing him...

And after spending two months like a crazy person...

I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we

started going out.

I remembered the days I spent with him and started to

count the days... when we were in love...

"One... two... three..."

That was how... I started to count the dolls...

"Four hundred and eighty four...four hundred and eighty

five..."

It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.

I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...

"I love you~, I love you~"

I dropped the dolls,shocked.

"I....lo..ve...you??"

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"

It can't be!

I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

"I love you~"


Those words came out non-stop.

I...love you...

Why didn’t I realize that...

That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.

Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...

I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,

that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.

It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...

"Jo...Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each

other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t

say I love you... Umm... since I was too shy... If you

forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you...

everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked

god, why do I only know about all this now?

He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last

minute...

For that... and for that reason... to me... it became

courage... to live a beautiful life....''

em.. yesterday training was tough.. 6x150m????? sprint??? no rest??? walk back is e resting time?? haiz.. after training met thom thom at e bus stop!!?? i very paiseh.. dun dare 2 look at him then pretend nv c him.. e bus came shortly.. 315 i knew he was taking so i dun wanna tak. gee.. haiz.. tat nitez.. tot of him again.. cried.. it's like only left 2 mths?? haiz.. i'll miss him.. go sch wif him.. n its so fun lor.. wonder how can i live my life happily without him.. haiz.. *so sad* haiz.. tml got training again n it's in VJC?? haiz.. doing relay n muz b competiting wif e jc ppl there.. always likedat mrtay..
OOoo. juz got 2 noe a person who is also called AARON!actually is tat aaron i link in e blog.. actually dunno him.. but dunno how i got 2 noe his blog then link him lor.. likes reading his blog la.. ver interesting lor.. haha.. then "someone" dunno who go tell tat aaron i link him then.. tata! he came 2 mi blog tag.. so tag tag chat chat.. add friendster, msn.. likedat lor.. so.. em.. dunno lax.. cya!

I feel so stressed now a days.. Track, studies.. n him? today i was early i waited 4 him 4 10 min lor.. haiz.. nvm la.. since i was always the 1 who kept him waiting.. haha.. then din talk much ask him y so quiet then he say i was e 1 who is so quiet.. haha.. i dunno y le.. when i reached sch i quickly do my geog then do finished arl i cry lor.. suddently cry le.. i felt like crying tat time.. thought of him gonna leave.. haiz.. so sad.. finally broke down.. n cried.. haha.. but it's like.. dunno y le.. e last period i cried again.. coz i was telling my frenz abt him leaving.. then i cried.. haiz.. e 2nd time lor.. haiz.. dunno y kept crying.. haha..
today training was like.. erm ok la.. not so tough lor.. but tired.. in fact every training was a tired 1.. we trained relay n e timing was like.. dunno gd or bad.. 55.++ n 55.08s. haiz.. but mrtay say not bad le.. huh? haha.. 55s le!!! it's not my day lor.. got head wind n it's so strong!! ah!!!! haiz.. anyway i thinkn i got push lor.. i tried n i think my arms are swinging beter.. haha.. gd! keep trying gracelyn! haha.. kz.. tired.. hope tml will b a gd day.. with e accompany of him.. miz him lotz..!

*haiz*
it wasn't till yes' then i heard abt the news.. can u plz dun leave? u said u'll nv ever leave me remember? it's a ver sudden news.. sudden bad news.. u had 2 'migrat' 2 australia.. ur whole family.. 4 at least 2 years.. tell me how will i ever b happy when u leave? no1 2 accompany me go sch, no1 bully me like e way u do, no more laughters n stomachach.. 4 2 years.. u said even u're coming back.. will not b staying here permenently.. y? i dunno watta do.. i cant do anything can i? plz dun leave.. 4 my sake? 4 our bro-sis/R? or even 4 e sake tat u love me.. plz dun leave..............
plz dun leave..................

*hurts* *smiles*
*hurts*
today is e heats 4 my sch sports day.. i ran 200m n 4x200m. e 200m i.. dunno la.. when starting tat time i ran in normal speed 80% then suddently my stomach pain.. but i was like.. dun care.. then at e 100m mark there, i sprint lor.. but then sze min was like way infront of me.. i chase n chase.. finally i caught up with her.. we were running side side.. but near e finishing line.. i dunno who came in 1st.. haiz.. so sad..
n e 4x200m.. haiz.. i was doing my best arl lor.. but still got in 4th.. haiz 4th le..! juz miz abit.. i was behind eva n i caught up by abt 20~50m like tat lor.. i caught up 2 eva then was behind her.. but it was like ver difficult le.. then reach e finishing line arl.. haiz.. when i heard tat it was e finals.. i feel like crying lor..! if i juz push a little more, we've could hav gotton 3rd.. then will hav medal le.. walau.. really cry lor tat time.. haiz..
*smiles*
haha.. after e heats, me n seniors went 2 toa payoh there 2 eat.. haha.. had lotz of fun there.. then i took 73 go hm.. it was such a long ride lor n when it was at serangoon garden then i was looking out at e window then haha.. guess who i saw at e bus stop?!? haha.. Thomas le..! n wif a gal n fren(boy). haha.. i was ver shocked lor.. then i like dun dare 2 look.. then finally i looked up n i saw him.. he saw me too.. then he smile at me. hehe.. i smile bac.. it was such a warm smile.. hehe.. i was ver paiseh le.. long time nv c him arl.. n somemore wat i wrote in his testi.. haiz.. ver.. haiz.. haha.. anyway ver happy lor.. haha.. got happiness n sadness today.. kz la.. gtg bye! nitez guys..!

i juz read a story.. i find it ver touching.........

A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding
through the night. They loved each other a lot..

Girl: "slow down a little.. I'm scared.."
Boy: "No, it's so fun.."
Girl: "please..it's so scary.."
Boy: "Then say that you love me.."
Girl: "Fine..I love you..can you slow down now?"
Boy: "Give me a big hug.."
The girl gave him a big hug.
Girl: "Now can you slow down?"
Boy: "Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It's
uncomfortable and it's bothering me while i drive."
The next day, there was a story in the newspaper.
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its
brakes were broken. There were two people on the
motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had
survived...
The guy knew that the brakes were
broken. He didn't want to let the girl know, because
he knew that the girl would have gotten scared.
Instead, he was told the last time that she loved him,
got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she
can live, and die himself...

Once in awhile, Right in the middle of an ordinary
life, Love gives us a fairy tale...

Sorry didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
and so I surrendered, just to hear your voice.

Don't know how many times I said I'm gonna live without you,
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you,
but there's something, baby you need to know.
That deep inside me, I feel like I'm dying. I have to see you,
it's all that I'm asking.

*chorus*
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,
the air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world's become so empty. The days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.

Quisiera decirte que hoy estoy de maravilla
que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
pero con un dedo no se tapa el sol.

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte. Agonizando, muy lento y muy fuerte.

Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias, mis ganas de vivir la vida, devuelveme el aire.
Cariño mio, sin tin yo me siento vacio, las tardes son un laberinto, las noches
me saben, a puro dolor.

-chorus- (repeat chorus again softly)
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,
the air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world's become so empty. The days are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it.
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
and so I surrendered just to hear your voice.

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